This Morning

I wake up some mornings and feel heavy. I drive to work some days in silence as I watch the mother’s with children tied to their backs begging, breathing in exhaust, as I see the Talibé kids already amidst the traffic being repeatedly turned down for change, as I see the only woman who sells newspapers on the street working hard to compete with the others as I see the young men crippled by polio and with nothing to move themselves with but their gnarled hands…. I feel heavy. Some days I am captured by the hospitality, smiles and joy of these people, but today I’m captured by their hardships. The next emotion that runs through me is how my life is in direct contrast. I have so many options, I can discover anything, I can move about society without constraints of worrying to feed myself, of trying to survive and make it one day at a time. I look ahead and see so many options and unknown paths. I question what to do with this. Yesterday, I watched a documentary of Martin Luther King Jr. because Cheikh brought me to the English club at the British Institute where he studies. Afterwards the students talked about what stood out to them. A few mentioned the importance of the message of MLK to be the best you can be. Some people are made to shine like the sun and others are made to be steady, quiet stars. He points out that God has a purpose for each of us. That purpose might seem relatively small compared to others, but it is up to us to live it out. While I’m spending my last few weeks here I feel pressure to really define my role here, my reason here… maybe that will come and maybe it won’t. There is always something worth striving for, worth trying to make better. Some don’t see it, some don’t believe it’s possible; others simply don’t care for it. I know I’m striving but for exactly what I’m trying to understand.